I confess. Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of faith in God.

He was this scary, invisible guy in the sky who never answered any of my prayers. I felt forsaken.

Then, after my brother Gene died and my daughter Gabrielle was born, I awakened to a whole new realm of spirituality that primarily had to do with personal growth/awareness and inner healing. In this new world, my belief in God began to heal too.

I became aware of the vast and magical world of Spirit. I began to receive wonderful messages and signs in nature and other ‘coincidences’ that helped me to believe in a richer, unseen, spiritual dimension. It was from this place that I received many meaningful messages from Gene.

So when my Mom died last year, and I missed her passing, I found some peace in knowing that she could still reach me through mystical signs and serendipity.

My Mom wasn’t very articulate with her feelings or emotions. If I asked her: “Are you proud of me?” she’d broadly answer: “I’m proud of all my kids.”

Only weeks before she died I asked her a question that I hoped would heal my heart. I asked her what she thought was special about me, why she thought God had given me to her. She was very sick already and I could see that she was trying to come up with something for me, but in the end she said that she didn’t know what to tell me.

Honestly, a part of me was so devastated in that moment as I couldn’t imagine NOT being able to tell my daughter, Gabrielle, a million different amazing gifts and insights she’s brought to me, starting from the very first moment I held her in my arms. And yet my Mom could not come up with even one.

But I knew my Mom didn’t mean anything by it. This was just part of how she was. I told her it was okay and then I crawled into her hospital bed with her and we watched a cooking show as we talked about cooking Ukrainian food. And that was one of the VERY best memories I have about my Mom at the end. She loved to cook for us - that was how she showed us that she loved us.

So after she died, I purposely decided to ask her for answers she couldn’t easily give me when she was here. Now that she was part of the world of Spirit, I wanted her to answer me from her wholeness - I wanted to know what she thought was special about me and I wanted it in a concrete way.

Within two days of asking, I got my answer in the most incredible way. While we were waiting for everyone to get to my Dad’s hospital room for his 88th birthday, my older sister gave me an envelope with my name on it.

I opened it and saw my Mom’s handwriting - Dear Connie… In the letter my Mom wrote, in her own way, what she remembered about me growing up, what she saw as my special qualities and her wishes for my future.

As I read it, I couldn’t wipe the tears from my eyes fast enough to read the next line she wrote. Time stood still and I knew I was holding the MOST AMAZING LETTER that I would ever receive in my life.

But still, as I was reading it, my analytical mind was buzzing. WHAT made her write me this letter and WHEN had she written it (as it was not dated)? Then, at the end of the letter, it hit me…

My Mom had written this letter to me 14 YEARS EARLIER.

I was supposed to be going to an event through a church that my younger sister was organizing for me. All the important people in my life were asked to write a letter telling me why I was important to them. But, at the last minute, I didn’t end up going and I therefore never received any of the letters people wrote for me.

But for some reason, my Mom NEVER ended up passing her letter along. Instead she kept it for all those years and even when she moved to the old age home and only took a small box of personal belongings, she took that letter too. Even that told me that what she wrote in the letter was special to her - that I was special to her.

This was a miracle for me. It healed old shattered, fragile places in my heart regarding my Mom, and bigger yet, it healed a deep, festering wound in me surrounding God. I didn’t feel forsaken any more. I felt like someone up there literally moved time and space for me to get that letter, to answer my prayer and heal my heart. And if that was possible, anything IS possible.

We ONLY need to ask.

Connie