by Connie Brisson

My Mom died last night.

She had cancer and her health had severely deteriorated in the last year. Yet, when I got the call last night to come to the hospital, I still hoped she would live longer.

I quickly packed and drove to Bonnyville (about 2½ hours away) with Gabi, fully expecting to be able to talk with her, even if it was only to say goodbye to her and tell her I loved her one last time. Yet when I got to the hospital, and saw the look on my cousin Laurie’s face, I knew Mom was already dead. She had died one hour earlier while I was driving there.

I was stunned … in shock. This was NOT how I had intended this to go. I wasn’t there when my brother Gene died and it was my clear intention to be with my Mom when she died.

When I walked in the room and saw her there, so silent and still, I was engulfed by intense emotions of both love and despair. I rested my head against the top of hers and I cried from the bottom of my soul.

Internally my mind was a bomb field with so many thoughts exploding at once. I was trying to accept that she was dead and trying to understand how I could have missed such an important moment. How could she die without me having a chance to say goodbye to her? The more I tried to make sense of it, the deeper I fell into an abyss of darkness. Then, like a light, one thought gave me peace. It had to do with something Gary Zukav said during our interview.

I’m paraphrasing but he said the Universe is wise and compassionate beyond imagination. And if you want something and the Universe thinks it is in your highest good and you will grow spiritually from it, then it will assist you in getting it. BUT it will also assist you to lose that same thing if that will help you grow spiritually too.

My moment of peace came when I had the thought that the Universe (from its wiser, all knowing perspective) allowed this to happen because, for some reason, it was in my highest good to miss the moment of my Mom’s death. And although I didn’t understand why right then, my peace came from knowing that someday I would clearly know why it happened this way and the gift inside it would be more special and powerful than the moment I had just missed.

Then, when I found out that my brother and sisters had been trying to get a hold of me all that afternoon (and left five voice mail messages, a text message and an email that I never got), it reaffirmed to me that this wasn’t a coincidence and the Universe had a greater plan for me in missing my Mother’s death. Otherwise I could have easily been there in time to still see her alive.

There would have been a time this would have made me so angry at God and I would have felt punished or forsaken. But what Gary Zukav said had a huge impact on me and as I stood there by my Mom, I actually felt blessed because I realized that my journey with my Mom is not over yet. We didn’t need to say goodbye because this is NOT the end of our relationship.

And this is why I publish Mosaic. Because, at the moment you need it the most, I hope you too will remember something you’ve read in Mosaic that will help you to find peace or hope or courage or strength or whatever it is that you need to help you on your journey.

Needless to say, my interview with Gary Zukav and Linda Francis was wonderful! We couldn’t fit it all in the magazine, but you can read it all at www.ILoveMosaicMagazine.com. We had trouble with the audio link so that won’t be available for this interview.

Our feature artist is Aaron Paquette. I LOVE everything he paints. He is absolutely amazing and gifted beyond words. AND he has generously offered an original piece of his artwork (valued at $595) as a prize for our Mosaic Reader Survey (pages 29 & 30). Other great prizes include a Reiki 1 & 2 or Quantum Healing Training Session (thanks to Bea Murray), a 3” wide green tourmaline crystal sphere (thanks to Ausha at A Sense of Serenity) and an Angel Reading (thanks to Sherry Martini).

Lucky winners from last issue include: Tammy Leblanc (Sherwood Park), Helen Eshpeter (Drayton Valley), Sophie Jennings (Edmonton), Jacqueline Fiala (Edmonton) and Wendy Munro (Fort Saskatchewan).

AND don’t forget about our next Mosaic’s Delicious Book Club dinner on August 12th at Gabbana Restaurant (11223 Jasper Avenue) at 6:00 p.m. See you then.

♥ Connie